Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
