i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
