she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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