is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
