after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
whose parrot is this?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
