just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
