did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I looked at my own cervix.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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