i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
