i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
