You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
