Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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