I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
