And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
