ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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