I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i've created a new STD.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
