oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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