now i know why i became what i already was.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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