Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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