You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
