he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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