He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
