Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
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Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.