So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I need a burrito and a hug.