I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
In America we eat man semen.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
