I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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