I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
