I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.