i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.