Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok