Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.