Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
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Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
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Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires