I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
