she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other