Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it