i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.