dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
