Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
