dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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