theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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