Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
