so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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