Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
