Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
