omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
