just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
