I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You are a genius and a whore.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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