Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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