READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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