I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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