this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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