fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
