I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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