LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's rum buckets o'clock
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
