Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
