It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
