it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
