cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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