Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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