So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
