They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
