best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
