I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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