I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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