i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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