This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
