Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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