I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
