we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
