my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
