Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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