I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
