Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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