College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
