Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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