he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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