Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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