Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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