Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
