and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
