You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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