I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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