hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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