You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
