Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How does it feel to date your dad?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
