i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
